Date:	2009-10-20 20:45
Subject:	this is how I feel now.
Security:	Public
Mood:	worried

How can I expect some much and give so little?
So what if I’m a woman that wants to love and be made love to? I’m a woman of God, I’m suppose to have control and restraint. I’m suppose to long for His Word and my own hope in glory.
Not for the foolish thing the world labeled as love. Like my pastor says, love don’t love nobody. If I tell you this, will you judge me? Down me? I’m human too, of God but still human.

vicarious existentalism

Snap Shot
By Ms. J

The First Chapter:

“You really are leaving?”
The voice emphasized the leaving part in the entire sentence. The voice repeated itself again, this time as it had to ensure the owner what was happening was true.
“You’re leaving.”
“Doesn’t take much detective work on that.” The person doing the leaving simply responded.
“And you don’t want to stick around? I mean, the outcome could change, man.”
“I’m done, LeRoy. There is no other outcome.”
The voice’s owner, LeRoy, sighed deeply, “The end of an era.”
‘End of my world.’ The second voice’s brain programmed itself with the fatalistic thought.
In a cool-colored decorated living room, an Asian man in his early thirties stood around brown moving boxes like a widow stands among graves. His life was now packed neatly away in a condo now stripped of any evidence that he had a life there. Not much of a life, but nevertheless, one that belonged to him. The Asian gentleman sealed up the brown boxes with clear packing tape, wondering if he could just seal of the crack that had developed in the last month of his life. His friend stood there watching, forcing himself to make conversation.
His African-American friend stood there arms folded, hoping to make sense of the situation, “Soooo, you’ve already got a place in Jacksonville?”
“A house, some rehab my friend in the private sector knew about it. The guy was ready to unload it. Market being crazy and all.”
“Yeah, crazy.” LeRoy echoed at a distance.
“LeRoy, really, don’t feel bad.”
“Hollister,” He called his friend by name, “I’m ticked, this-this shouldn’t went down like that.”
“It did. I’m out of a job. It’ll go to trial. End of story.”
“You didn’t snap-” LeRoy began but Hollister cut him off.
“LeRoy, it’s cool. I’m cool. I have something wanting on me. I have another place to live. It’s just not here anymore.”
The taller black man remained unconvinced that his shorter friend was ‘cool’ with his world crashing down around him within a month’s time, “It’s okay to be angry.”
Looking up, Hollister’s eyes colored with emotions that weren’t as cool as the turquoise colored walls in his condo. “Isn’t that the reason why I’m packing?”

Date:	2008-02-03 02:49
Subject:	Am I tech enough?
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed

I question whether I'll be a good mother. I question whether I'm worthy to have the title of med tech II. I wonder if I'm truly serving my purpose. Same tree I keep going around.

Date:	2007-11-01 15:43
Subject:	Newness
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

New house I hope to own. New car. The newly gotten job in Sept. Newness all around. I pray this is my turn.

Date:	2007-09-20 17:55
Subject:	Stop trying to pin a kid on me!
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

I am not in a rush ot get knocked up. I don't even have my own home yet, God's will, that'll be changed by the beginning of Oct. (Housing situation, not fertility situation.) Besides, my new niece is the only baby I want to spoil. Okay, and my the baby whose sleeps with at night. jeromy's all the kid I need now. Men are like children-playfully and in need of minding.

My own home-a nice b-day present.
I still accept year-round gifts and donations :)

I'm still working through the transition from student to job. I feel like I should be more. . . busy.

Guess I haven't learned to relax.

Date:	2007-09-11 16:06
Subject:	The Tech Life
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

Now, I'm a working stiff. It's so weird. Waking up and realzing I have fre time at home.

Date:	2007-08-28 10:00
Subject:	Finally!
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful

Got the test date. Now got to pass the darn thing.

Date:	2007-08-27 10:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

Pray for the people whose faces are big in the gospel. People like Pastor Juanita Bynum and Paula White. Scandals just take anyone down. Thiss makes me not stand the media.

Date:	2007-08-20 09:51
Subject:	woo!
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

Thank the good Lord last week is gone and this week is here.

Date:	2007-08-05 20:35
Subject:	free at last!
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

now if I can just get my license, woo lord!!!!

Date:	2007-08-01 12:31
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	determined

Got two more days of make ups. I betta become a med tech.

Date:	2007-07-23 12:54
Subject:	Help!
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

SOS! I could really use the prayer now. Finals startt Wed.

What is an effective way to study for the NCA? ASCP?

Date:	2007-07-13 17:13
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to remain sane for the next two months during finals and getting my certification.

Date:	2007-06-27 14:12
Subject:	Ungodly
Security:	Public
Mood:	apathetic

The princess talked about my hubby and pregnant. I wanted to punch her in the nose. Lord, forgive me. I decided not to play their games and do what I can do in terms of schoolwork. It's not a competition. The guys can't stand them and they can't stand the guys. If they talk about, they talk about me. I'll handle my fair share of bullies.

I just wannna work.

Is it August yet?

Date:	2007-06-16 15:27
Subject:	the end is near
Security:	Public
Mood:	busy

now if anyone could donate to the fix-my-dead-car that would be greta.

Date:	2007-05-30 13:04
Subject:	yuck!
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick

I am sick of school.

Date:	2007-05-26 15:21
Subject:	Is it June yet?
Security:	Public
Mood:	rushed

Money looking funny, school is going crazy, and Lord I need a vacation!

Date:	2007-05-15 19:19
Subject:	And coutning . . .
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

These weeks until I'm free! (Oh, rotations as least. I still have finals.)